


The end of a dream

by MillarcaGreen



Category: Project Blue Book (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hurt, Lesbian Susie Miller, Letter, Missing Scene, Season 2, Unrequited love (is it really ?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23484877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MillarcaGreen/pseuds/MillarcaGreen
Summary: What if Susie had left another message to Mimi, one destined to explain her everything.
Relationships: Mimi Hynek/Susie Miller
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	The end of a dream

**Author's Note:**

> I finished season 2 and I'm just sad with what the writers did to Susie's character and how they almost forgotten her relationship with Mimi, so I tried to make up for it.
> 
> TW : allusions to the scene where Mimi gets roofied. But no rape here.

Mimi Hynek needed rest. Seeing Susie again hadn't eased her already burning nerves.

She got out of the car and reached into the pocket of her coat to retrieve her keys. She froze as her fingers brushed against something that wasn't there before.

The brunette hurried into the privacy of her own house. Once inside, she let her back rest against the door and unfolded the sheet of paper. Brown eyes widened immediately.

_My dearest Mimi,_

_The generals told me you agreed to speak with me, they say you're coming in about an hour. There surely won't be enough time, or privacy, to tell you everything then, so I've stolen a paper and a pen from a guard. This letter will be the real answer to your questions._

_From our very first meeting, I dreaded this moment. When I realized you were more than an objective, the reminder that I would one day have to reveal my identity and my mission haunted me every second. No plan, no scheme could ever prepare me for this._

_And still, I didn't stop spying on you. I continue to photograph you, I kept listening to your conversations with your husband in order to send information to my boss._

_It was simple, it should have stopped there. Yet something was different from the beginning, I never acted that way with any other target. It may sound ironic to you but every one of our interactions was natural, unscripted. Their purpose was in the back of my mind yes, yet nothing forced me to be gentle and caring or to be captivated by you. Each word of consideration, each touch, each look was genuine. I hope you can at least accept this. As soon as I saw you upset about Allen, the job of acquiring intelligence became secondary. When you smiled and laughed because of me, the mission was almost forgotten. I don't think an agent, even well-trained in the art of manipulation, is supposed to be like this around their target, drinking their words, completely mesmerized. Putting a cold, ruthless Russian spy under your spell, without even trying... why, Mimi, this is a feat._

_Had I more time I would have shared my story with you, the real one, not the lies about New York and the aggression, even though I doubt you would care now. So I'll only say this : my talent as an actress allowed me to make my way through the KGB ranks, 'it's extremely valuable' they said. But I dare hope you didn't think that thing with Quinn was sincere. Everything was calculated, provocation and lust without a hint of authenticity or spontaneity. A revealing cleavage, a careful sway of the hips and a fake smile is all it takes to get men like him. They're the most common targets, the simplest ones. Despite his knowledge of manipulation, Quinn is a man, and he fell for it like the others, after just a flutter of eyelashes. He probably thought his unwanted, calloused hands on my body pleased me, and sufficed to mark me as his. While all they did was making me flinch internally. Oh, making him fall in love with me was by far the easiest thing I've managed to do these past few months._

_So easy it failed to distract me from the person who still occupied my mind._

_That night in my living room when you rejected me, I knew my feelings had thwarted the plan. You didn't know their true extent of course, but the look of pity on your face sure dissuaded me from telling more. I focused my attention on the captain after that. Because the mere thought of using you, of risking your safety any longer was impossible._

_It pains me to admit it, but there are still things you don't know. If I want you to consider this an act of redemption, the best option is to confess what's been gnawing at me. Please, Mimi, if there is one thing you have to believe in this letter, it's what I'm about to write now, in all honesty._

_The kiss you remember is not a memory I cherish. The circumstances in which it happened must seem blurry to you, and with good reason, for it was the day I broke your trust the most._

_My handler, or "Cal", had requested a film of Professor Hynek's wife having an affair, to serve as blackmail material. Therefore that afternoon, I put a pill in your drink and led you to your bed when you could barely stand on your feet. With each passing second my heart sank. Not for an instant did I envisage to do as my handler asked, so the only thing I did was lowering the top of your dress to take a few photos. Doing this without your consent was enough to make me sick, but that bastard would have come to kill you if I returned without any proof. Mimi, I swear I didn't rape nor touch you, my intention has never been to hurt you. The mistake was that kiss, which was necessary to prove the affair. But when you returned it, tears welled up in my eyes, 'please no, not now' I kept repeating in my head. Not when I'm forced to do that to you. It's so twisted, Mimi and I regretted it ever since._

_No apology could possibly lead you to forgive me after this, you might even hate me more than before and I understand. This letter probably carries the last words I'll ever say to you anyway, there's no point in wishing for forgiveness._

_I am so, so sorry for lying and betraying your trust. Again, know that I never meant to harm you, I only tried to convey all the tenderness I could in the time we spent together, in addition to trying to protect you. In barely a month you've made me happier than I've ever been, you became my best friend. Not Susie's best friend. Believe it or not, but I was always Mishka with you. From there, it didn't take her much longer to fall in love with you. Oh, if you knew how she dreamed of another life, one where she wasn't a spy from the enemy country._

_If I could erase every trouble my presence has caused in your life, be certain that I would. As a small comfort, you can be sure I won't bother you anymore from my prison cell. All I can do is to wish the best to you and your family. I sincerely hope you'll be happy and loved, my beautiful Mimi. And that Allen will wake up and dedicate his life to caring about his wife, for she deserves nothing less._

_I love you Mimi, truly, from the moment we met. Please remember this._

_Mishka_

Mimi's whole body trembled with a whirlwind of emotions. As a hand came to cover her mouth, the other lost its grasp around the letter, letting it fall to the floor.


End file.
